Does Size Matter?
So, does penis size matter? A recent study done by Durex revealed the top-ten Googled sex questions in the world. Making the list at number six was, “How to get a bigger penis manually?”1 This statistic epitomizes the validity of the curse—men’s insecurity with their phallus ranked six in a global Google search; point made.
The size, shape, texture, and color of a penis and testicles are a valid concern among men and women. So much so, the medical profession has given it a term.
Some doctors refer to small penis syndrome as penile dysmorphic disorder (PDD), but the Diagnostic and Statistical Manual of Mental Disorders (DSM-5) does not list PDD as a separate disorder. Instead, it includes PDD as a variant of body dysmorphic disorder (BDD).
Some symptoms of small penis syndrome or PDD include:
a). constantly comparing their penis size to that of others, including those in the media
b). a belief that the penis is unusually small, in spite of evidence to the contrary
c). distorted perceptions of penis size
d). placing an unusually high value on penis size
e). feeling ashamed or embarrassed about penis size
f). difficulty having sex with a partner because of anxiety about penis size
g). reduced sexual function, including getting an erection or having an orgasm2
To my surprise, much of what’s been written about the penis has been limited to the shaft and head alone. There’s little to no mention about the consciousness of a man’s testicles or pubic pad. The absence of conversation concerning the appearance of the complete male genitalia is deafening. As a result, most men are not entirely content with their overall, so-called “package.” And a man’s ego keeps this little secret under lock and key. Unfortunately for some, it becomes the Moby Dick of their lives.
Men are taught at an early age that the size of the larger wand holds more magic. Ironically, this claim is contrary to all the evidence regarding overall pleasure.
Researchers have found that 80% of women don’t orgasm from penetrative sex. Journal of Sex & Marital Therapy took a poll of 1,000 women aged 18 to 94 and lo and behold, most of them said that they can’t orgasm without clitoral stimulation. Which is what sex writers and sexperts have been saying for years.3
Free Internet Porn
Internet porn is free. Anyone at any age who has a smartphone, tablet, or computer without filters (that incidentally don’t entirely block porn anyway), can view it. So, just own it people; we live in a pornographic society whether you like it or not.
Fathers of ten-year-old boys have come to me shocked and crying after discovering porn on their son’s tablet or phone, saying, “I can’t believe my kid is into this?” OMG, please, dad, you’re still jerking off at fifty years old because your wife is in men-on-pause, and you’re shocked? WTF? Don’t get me started!
Clearly, the age of technology has turned porn and the phallic curse into a Goliath. My generation dodged a bullet. But today, by immediate access, porn has gained more power through the variety of HD imagery and sexual performance at a push of a button—any time and any place.
Where hard porn became available to baby-boomers in their teens, it was nothing like hard porn today. And having access to it are worlds apart. That being said, thinking the answer is not allowing your child to have a tablet, computer or smartphone until he or she is older, or just filter the hell out of it and stare over their shoulder is pointless.
Speaking for boys, one, you’ll drive him deeper into his curiosity, and two, he’s already viewing it at school or on the block with kids whose parents are clueless. I hate to put it this way, but if you think he hasn’t seen anything yet, you’re in denial and delusional.
Why is this linked to the phallic curse? Simple, because boys and girls are staring at big handsome thick cocks, that’s why. And if you don’t think those images are affecting a kid’s outlook on sexuality, you’ve got your head in the sand.
Think I’m making this stuff up? Have you ever seen a porn movie where a man with an “average or less than average” penis make a girl bite her pillow? Though it may occur in real life; the media won’t promote it—it’s just lucrative. By the way, statistically, an average size flaccid penis is 3.61 inches; an average erect penis is 5.16 inches. 95% of men have an erect penis size of 6.3 inches.4
Better yet, have you ever shopped for sex toys and found a tiny dildo or micro-penis for the use of vagina pleasure? If you have, I’m sure it wasn’t “out of stock.” I can cite ten more examples, but I know from experience, for some people reading this, they’re lost in some spiritual zone where they believe their kid is safe from this.
And may I add the zinger? The bait of porn (for men), is the mind-movie of a woman’s orgasm. It plays over and over again; facilitated by a large and often times massive cock.
This is when a young man subtly believes the lie that their dick plus a girl’s vagina equals sex. And in most cases, this is where the deep-seated problem begins. Unfortunately for most men, it never improves. Until this day, men believe women are enamored with the penis; so much so, that “personality, romance, affection, foreplay, etc.” all take a back seat to the almighty phallus. Why else would there be a million “dick-pics” (most imposters) per one “I miss you baby” messages in cyberspace?
Even though social media was non-existent in my teen years, swallowing the lie that it was all about “the dick” was a hurdle for me. The illusion that my soulmate would have to experience an atomic orgasm solely by my penis was a destructive lie. I needed to mature beyond this paradigm; I almost didn’t make it. I was being surrounded by college kids who stuffed their briefs with socks and lemons, making the phallic false narrative more daunting.
Fortunately, later, I was enlightened by some older guys who informed me that a man’s personality and skills had a more considerable effect on sex than his phallus. Yup, the first time I heard that was when I was twenty-one. And thank God I did; it was the beginning of leaving the cursed club.
Take a peek at the body image crisis. I believe logic wins here. But let me add one more illustration to endorse the notion of the power of imagery. Let’s place the shoe on the other foot for a moment. Few women are delighted with their breasts. Akin to men, it seems like they always want something they don’t have. In 2017, the number one cosmetic surgery for women were breast augmentations/lifts.5
Now think of it this way. What if women’s breasts were deflated (like empty water bottles) until they were sexually aroused? At which point, they would fill-up and women would revel in their perky plumpness until orgasm. Until then, they’d spend the entire day conscious of deflated sagging breasts. Could this mimic a man’s dilemma?
Men are forever aware of being flaccid; shrinkage. When they urinate, they stare at a limp penis. Throughout the day they are mindful that they’re small; some even tiny until they’re stimulated. But wait! If they get hard, they get to celebrate until they ejaculate; which can take three to five whole minutes. Then, back to wilting. What a visual nightmare! I think there’s some psychological merit here.
The Other Side
You think I’m done with you? Far from it. Let’s talk about large penises. Did you think guys with big dicks are exempt from the curse? Not even close.
Though “bigger is better” may carry some truth, it’s been long under debate. Men of all ages and sizes are victims of the curse. For one, as I mentioned earlier, men with a larger phallus’ can quickly become victims of neglecting the more essential fundamentals that bring a woman to full pleasure. Worse, they can be totally unaware of it. And in many cases, unteachable.
I remember conducting a weekend men’s conference in the nineties. At the close of the evening session, I was conversing with an attendee in the elevator before retiring for the evening. I said, “Make sure you attend tomorrow afternoon’s last session; I’ll be speaking about how to please your wife better sexually.” His reply was predictable (he had a great package), he responded, “Oh, I don’t have any issues there,” and laughed as the elevator doors opened. Little did he know; his wife was counseling with mine about having a terrible sex life. He was clueless; years later, she had an affair with a man having an average dick—so much for size—a perfect example of how the curse is no respecter of persons.
It Doesn’t Matter
A recent article in Cosmopolitan Magazine entitled, Here’s What Millennial Women Really Think About Penis Size, says about the phallic debate.
“So, curious about how Millennial women really felt about their partners’ penises, Cosmopolitan.com polled 1,100 readers (96 percent women, 4 percent men; between the ages of 18 and 34). And just so we don’t leave you hanging: 89 percent said they were not worried about their boyfriend’s penis size, and, when asked how they’d classify their partner’s penis, most of them (56 percent) went with “average.” Another 33 percent thought their partner’s penis was on the large side.
In the end, despite 59 percent of women reporting that they were less than satisfied in the bedroom, the vast majority said they wouldn’t change anything about their boyfriend’s penis. (A handful of participants noted they would actually make his penis slightly smaller). Maybe guys are finally getting the message that penetration isn’t women’s greatest desire in bed, given that the survey found.”6
A more recent study in 2019, cited further detailed evidence of what women want in a lover. The following excerpt was taken from that article—This is the No.1 thing 64,000 women want from a lover: survey.
“Most women asked identified as heterosexual, but queer and bisexual women also responded. Almost 90% of the women rank kindness highest among desirable qualities, followed closely by supportiveness at 86.5%. Intelligence received about 72% of the vote; level of education had 64.5%; and rounding out the Top 5 is confidence, with a little over 60%. Notice “attractiveness” did not top the list.
Heterosexual and homosexual women agreed that an attractive smile, then attractive eyes, were the two-most important physical features. Heterosexual women put average penis as number 3, followed by large hands and, interestingly, a short head of hair.”7
Let’s pause here. Do you think the above data would persuade men that their penises don’t matter that much? Absolutely not—in one ear, and out the other.
Moving forward, Larry Schwimmer writes, “On the other hand, if a man has an oversized penis, say, 7-12 inches long, it’s a catch 22. Some women may be comfortable taking seven-plus inches’ 3-4 times a week, depending on the girth and thrust, but most women that I know, want that experience as a fling and not regularly.”8
I’d be remiss if I failed to include some data regarding how gay men feel about penis size. In a recent article, entitled, Why These Gay Men Hate Their Big Dicks, Bobby Box makes the following claims.9
“Prepare all you want, but just imagine putting a coke can in your ass and seeing what happens.”
He then borrows a quote from Joe Kort, Ph.D., certified sex and relationship therapist; whose statement concerns gay men, “My theory is that a large penis is being confused with strong masculinity, and that’s being confused with raw, erotic power.”
Finally, Box concludes, “While a big dick may be praised and envied, the reality is it can often be a detriment, especially for gay men who engage in anal sex. Why? Big dicks can hurt.”
Self-acceptance is of utmost importance in every category of life, especially when it comes to the true measure of a man. At the end of the day, if everything is in working order down there, you’ve got to be happy! Curse-breakers everywhere are saying in unison, “In the scope of a meaningful relationship, your package is not that important.”
From this moment forward, take every idolatrous thought captive; no longer being a slave to the design of your penis. Begin a new journey today and reverse the curse. Walking in this confidence is nothing short of Alpha!
By Ron Marinari
Read the entire story in my new book, Breaking the Phallic Curse
4 Healthline, James Roland, April 17, 2017
5 Harper’s Bazaar, Jenna Rosenstein, December 14, 2017
8 Huffington Post, Larry Schwimmer, December 6, 2017