The Naked Truth
Many of my followers and friends have probed me in the last several years about my position on monogamy—more specifically, asking, “Have you ever had an affair?”
I felt it was time to address the inquiry and divulge the whole truth.
As some of you may know, I have been married to the same woman for nearly thirty-five years. We’ve had five beautiful children together, and spent thirty of those years pastoring in several churches.
HAVING AN AFFAIR
I suppose the best place to begin would be with my convictions. The naked truth is, I’ve never had an affair or sexual intercourse with anyone other than my wife—mainly for the following reasons.
1). I have never had to wander; solely because our sex life was everything and more than I ever wanted. To be candid, sometimes, I fear the ridiculous scenario. Now and then, I place myself in the after-life and wonder how it will all be assessed. When I think of the extraordinary sex life I’ve had, the following notion comes to mind.
There I am, in Heaven, and God says. “Well, Ron, you really had an astonishing sex life, a great gift! But because of that, your sex life here is going to suck!” Needless to say, I have issues.
2). I consider myself “a demisexual.” A demisexual is a person who does not experience sexual attraction unless they form a strong emotional connection with someone. Through the years, though I’ve had countless working and social relationships with the opposite sex, none of them crossed the boundary of intimate or romantic.
Besides, my personal findings since my teen years have been consistent—the majority of physically attractive women lack confidence. In addition, for whatever reason, either my aura or outward appearance projected a vibration that caused most women to build a barrier that separated me from getting emotionally close. Still today, I don’t come across many people (male or female) that are comfortable in their own skin, and value deep conversation. So, sexual loyalty has in many ways come easy for me.
SEXUAL ORIENTATION DEFINITION
3). In times when I may have been tempted to act on a sexual impulse for reasons of curiosity, I was disarmed by the idea of disloyalty to my wife and children.
4). The thought of bringing a reproach upon my faith and office was haunting. There was a time in 1996 that I was emotionally and spiritually drained. As a result, my inner circle of friends wanted to send me away to a remote tropical island to get refreshed. I declined. Primarily because I was so weak at the time, I didn’t trust myself. I confessed my true feelings to my wife and told her to intervene on my behalf. She was kind enough to understand and had the trip canceled. I mention this because of one single reason. When the offer initially came to me, and I recognized my weakness, I saw the faces of dozens of children who attended my church. Their faces were the reason I said, “no.” I couldn’t breach the trust of the people I was shepherding at the time. In this case, God gave me the strength to remain faithful for the assignment entrusted to me.
5). I wish I could righteously say, “I feared God too much,” but this would be far-reaching. Though I feared the consequences that could follow a lack of judgment, I feared to lose my credentials and platform as a minister. For sure, I would have been discarded like a piece of trash within forty-eight hours and forever forgotten about.
So, there you have it. That’s the naked truth and the whole truth about my sexual history.
I suppose the more pressing question is, “Well, now that you have resigned the traditional role of pastoring, are you open to a non-monogamous relationship?”
First, let me answer an equally common question, “Have you been propositioned?”
The answer to that is “yes.” I have been many times. However, the numbers one through three above still apply to my life today.
Also, I have a new conviction about self-respect, the value of my body, soul, and spirit. I personally don’t cast stones at others who have a differing view, but my position to not have sex, whether it be intercourse or oral, is solely based on not being common.
When I have been propositioned by someone who may have been attractive, I can’t get past the idea of accepting myself after the act. The vivid picture that lays before me always seems to be one of regret—for numerous reasons. And I’m okay with that. I don’t struggle with wanting to grow past this barrier; I accept it as part of my sexuality.
Lastly, I’d like to add that all I described above is very freeing for me. It allows me to interact with all people from all sexual preferences and feel confident to try to understand them. Although this statement may be looked upon as being the most uninteresting part of my confession, it’s the most rewarding. Probably because the freedom I walk in has been earned and owned. Therefore, other people’s opinions of me don’t matter, which adds to the joy of being a male sex-educator.
By Ron Marinari
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