Having An Affair
There’s been an endless amount of material presented on the detriments of having an affair. But can any good come from such an unfaithful encounter?
I realize that some people of faith will read this with a one-dimensional perspective. However, the Bible is jam-packed with affairs—most of them swept under the rug and justified. So, let’s forget all that bullshit for now and look at reality for a moment.
As I alluded to, the detriments of an affair have already been well documented. The act can devastate the betrayed, and their family—the aftermath can linger for a lifetime. In most cases, the deed of betrayal ends in divorce.
In 2002, the movie Unfaithful depicted a happily married couple; actors Diane Lane and Richard Gere. By happenstance, Connie (played by Diane Lane), crosses paths with a striking and romantic man by the name of Paul (played by Oliver Martinez). The two immediately ignite and recognize the chemistry, and their sexual passion is set aflame.
As the affair develops between Connie and Paul, Connie’s husband, Edward (Richard Gere), remains clueless until it’s gone too far. The end of the movie was a downer for me. But hidden in the script were some surprising facts that I’ve witnessed throughout the years as I have endeavored to manage the aftermath in other couple’s lives who played the part of the Unfaithful cast. Those who decided to reinvent their relationship, and sometimes pursue forgiveness—both in themselves, and in the other parties turned their coal into diamonds.
The following are some observations I’ve made both through the lives of others and the movie.
1). Often times, even healthy marriages can experience the plague of monotony. Unfortunately, this crisis can make one or both partners feel common, neglected, or unappreciated.
The positive outcome of having an affair can break down the believable illusion that a loyal spouse was no longer valuable. The idea that another person appreciates the little unnoticed things that have been taken for granted can resurrect a person’s self-esteem and make them feel worthy again.
2). Revisiting the ability to connect emotionally and sexually with another person as one has matured and evolved can be a road of seduction. In other words, the methods used by an individual to click with their partner or spouse twenty years ago may have been radically updated. Some people can become more mature, seasoned, and free.
If a person begins to experience these growing thoughts, new feelings can ignite a fire with another who may be intelligent, emotionally confident, or physically attractive. The curiosity to proceed and capture another can be challenging and undeniably arousing.
3). One of the most unspoken benefits of having an affair is the opportunity of growing in forgiveness. After the act or the affair runs its course, a spiritual person of substance usually experiences regret and guilt. Once these feelings emerge, there are only two roads to choose.
The first, bury your secret and slowly die—making believe it never happened. Only sinking in regret and the shame that the act can often leave. Second, embrace your humanity and the idea of your imperfection. If done appropriately, you will evolve with grace towards others and yourself. Concluding, though the act may have been a gross mistake, the one who committed it, can walk away a much more tolerant and loving person.
4). In many cases, the person that breached the boundary of trust can frequently realize that “the grass is not greener on the other side.” The end result may, in fact, help to re-calibrate a person’s perspective on the true nature of their partner or spouse. In this case, the affair can be a definite gain.
5). Lastly, because the individual decided to escape the feeling of being “trapped,” the affair became a waking-point. The tryst resurrected a sense of love, passion, and sexual oneness. Thus, a person may discover their marriage had long been dead. In this case, divorce can be a cure and not a curse.
Wherever you may be on your road of curiosity, if you’re thinking of having an affair or contemplating a divorce, my advice is to avoid religious people who remained “unhappily married” because they signed a paper before God. People like this lack understanding, and humility—they can only hurt you worse, no matter what you choose. Find someone who won’t judge your common interest. But instead, listen to your impulses and hear your frustration. I’ve learned, that alone, can bring enlightenment and healing.
By Ron Marinari
#adultery #infidelity #cheating #divorce #marriage #unfaithful